the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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