Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
