the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
