was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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