too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
