I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
