Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
i think my cat just said my name.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
