If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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