he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I don't deserve a penis
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
