Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
