I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize