I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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