OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
