have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
