I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
the raccoons are back...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
