She is in my trunk
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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