FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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