he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
