remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
