The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
