Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
