Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
