The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
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On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
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sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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