first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
