in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
