This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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