I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I have demons in me.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
