do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
