At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
