he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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