If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
