Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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