Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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