Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize