youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
