is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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