Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
