just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I lost the right to judge tonight
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
