I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
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I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
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He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.