look no pants
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's rum buckets o'clock
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend