Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I think even the taco bell employees judged me