no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
