There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.