i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
