Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
