I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
