Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
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Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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