I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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