Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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