I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
