the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
we're chasing vodka with high fives
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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