Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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