Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
