I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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