i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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