Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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