So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
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This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
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The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize