Your mouth is God's brothel.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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