cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
