so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Randomize
