1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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