Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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