I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize